Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Sunny with a high of 75

79, actually. It's 78 degrees right now, and I am LOVING this weather. It makes me so happy when I can put on a tanktop, flip-flops, and a skirt and remain comfortable all day. LOVE IT.

The cruise was a lot of fun...God definately looked out for me. I think my ipod is being silly but that there is no permanent damage yet. It's still frustrating and not working correctly, but I think it might be fixable....? I hope so anyway. There was beautiful, sunny weather during the cruise, and we all managed to "get a bit of color" as my nana would say. I was pretty sick the first day or two, and I went on some strong anitbiotics to fix it...which made me sensative to the sun. I found that out after laying in the sun all day and itching all evening and night. Other than being itchy and sun-sensative, the sickness went away quickly, and the trip was fun. We went to Key West, Cozumel, and Belize City, and of the three, I had only been to Cozumel before. I had a great time. And while I was gone, Theta Xi won first place in Greeksing for the second year in a row, receiving the second ever standing ovation of Greeksing (having receieved the first one last year), as I knew they would. (See previous post) I am still really proud of them, and especially of Tom, who had about a million other things going on that week with almost no sleep, and he still gave 200% effort.

Now I'm back at school (boooo) and have lots on my plate. My room is still massively messy after returning from SB, and I have a midterm in Spanish on Thursday, a one on one cumulative oral exam with the professor or TA, and that is nerve-racking. At least it's not in front of the whole class like other oral exams have been in classes I've taken in the past. Anyway, I also have to meet with my professor tomorrow because he is the Spanish advisor, and he has to clear me to get my minor in Spanish. So far I have an A or A- in his class, but today he asked me if this was the only Spanish class I am taking, and I don't really know what he was thinking when I said yes or when he asked me in the first place. Hopefully he doesn't think I'm slacking off, it's just that I can't handle more than one Spanish class at a time...well, I did this summer, but it was very difficult to juggle all the work plus living with a family in Costa Rica.

I'm also going to be working on my resume and cover letter and application....all of which I plan to mail to Zoo Atlanta for an internship I want this summer. I am hoping to get a position training how to be a large mammal keeper, but we'll see what happens. In the mean time, I've taken all of that stuff to the Career Center on campus, and Kenneth Linsley, who helps psych students at UGA with their career info, helped me sort through it all and gave me some tips on how to edit my resume. Now, I'm just trying to get back into working at Bear Hollow and doing classes and homework until I have time to send off my resume.

In addition to that stuff, I have to do a project and several papers and 2 exams for my Developmental Psych class before it ends, as well as another project or two for Spanish and the final in there come May. I also need to get invitations for my graduation, and this weekend, Tom and I are going to look at some possible wedding sites and a reception site.

I can't believe I graduate on May 12th!!!! It's wild to think that this could really be the end of formal education for me....forever! I'm really torn because I feel like I need to keep taking Spanish classes on the side to keep up with it, but I don't want to. Mainly, I just hate Spanish classes, I hate the pressure and grades....but I want to keep my Spanish growing....what I really want is to be able to have a Spanish-speaking community that I can hang out with regularly and improve my Spanish with but without getting graded. I don't know what to do...there just isn't anything I can think of like that in Covington.

Also, to be perfectly honest, I'm kind of embarrassed....I almost don't want to have anyone attend my graduation...most of all, not my family. It's just...humiliating because I won't be graduating with honors. I mean, my GPA isn't bad, in fact, it's above 3.0 and all that, but I just feel so dumb compared to the rest of my family. All my siblings graduated with honors, as far as I know my parents did too. And I won't. And no one thinks that UGA is a tough school unless they've been here in the last few years, so I know I'm going to look like a moron being the only one who graduates in my family without honors. No one can say, "yeah but it's _____" fill in the blank with Tech, or UVA, or Harvard for crying out loud. I mean, I chose UGA. I only wanted to come here, I applied, I got in early decision, and that was all there was to it-I didn't even apply to those other schools they went to because I didn't want to be anywhere but here. But I still can't shake this feeling. It's almost stupid...I am so happy to graduate, I want to be done, and yet, I dread it. I feel so dumb, I don't want them to look at me with my plain robes and nothing on them. I never thought I would graduate with more distinction from high school than I would from college. And I don't want to think about it...how they all will say that graduating from college is a huge feat in itself, especially in four years these days, because all of them did it, Kristen did it in 3 years, and all of them had honors doing it. It's been on my mind for the entire school year. I feel like a jerk even typing this because I don't look at other people who don't graduate with honors and think they're stupid. I don't look at my friends who decided that college wasn't for them and think they're stupid. I know that different things are different ways for different people. I just wish that I wasn't always the one in our family who was at the bottom of everything when it came to booksmarts...every single time. I'm not stupid, but I don't fit in with them completely, and I never have. I just don't want to hit graduation and be ashamed instead of happy. But whatever. I'll graduate and get it over with and hope I never have to think about it again. I just need to keep repeating 1 Peter 5:7 to myself: Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.

But at least it's a beautiful day, and this entire week is supposed to follow suit. I can enjoy the weather, even if the thought of graduation is a mixture of excitement and fear and embarrassment. So I'm gonna go do that. Latah!
~Meghan

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